“…and when one of them meets the other half, the actual half of himself, whether he be a lover of youth or a lover of another sort, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy and one will not be out of the other’s sight, as I may say, even for a moment…”
Have you ever met someone that managed to turn your emotional world upside down in a very short time? Made you forget all your boundaries, all your rules, all your inhibitions? Made you braver, happier, inspired your hidden depths to appear on the surface and made you freely float on them? Made you feel crazy most of the time because you were experiencing something unexplainable and surreal?
The entrance of the soulmate in one’s life… A coincidence or heavenly conspiracy? The best that can happen to a mere mortal, we could think. To have that special someone we feel a deep, natural affinity with. To have someone we feel comfort and tranquillity with; who entices our sexuality, intellect, spirituality; who guides our love and who deserves our trust. Ideal match. Ultimate happiness.
But, more often than not, these strong strings that connect us to the person we feel an intense connection with easily break. The fear caused by the power of such intimacy can be overwhelming. We might doubt our own sanity and question how such things can even happen in the real life. The sensation of a single soul inhabiting two bodies sounds very attractive in theory. Once it happens and becomes reality, brings frustration, fear of inadequacy, fear of loss, fear of not being enough, fear of own desires,… Life becomes a combat field and the soldiers are our minds and hearts. We all know that emotional exhaustion will always make a mind win. It is strange to me that we are so eager to be happy, but once the happiness happens, we do everything possible to send it away… The complexity of emotional insanity is fascinating.
Late last February someone very special entered my life. A very strange and coincidental encounter turned out to be really one of the kind. After talking for a while, the person on the other side of the “red string” remembered that we had met nine years ago. I had no recollection of him, but I believed his words because I was given the details I remembered perfectly. God’s ways were mysterious, I thought. In a very, very short time, I felt more alive than in the entire year. The person attracted me in all ways possible. It was really magical. I felt we have known each other for our entire lives. The most beautiful thing was that both of us had such freedom in communication with one another, we seemed absolutely synchronized. I could read his mind and the things he would say were the things that I couldn’t make myself say… Once, I was thinking what I was going to wear when we meet and have chosen the red skirt and some white top to go with it. When we talked he said he visualized me wearing the red skirt and the white top. My mouth dropped…
I had dreams of him which were so real and the visions I experienced made me make an appointment with my friend who is a clinical psychologist. After two sessions and regressive hypnosis (now that is a scary experience during which I remembered some things I wished I had forgotten), I got an official confirmation that I was sane and a bit “too normal” as my friend joked with me. She just told me to relax, enjoy the experience and STOP analyzing. As if I was going to listen to that advice…
It was something I couldn’t logically explain. Something that frightened me because I felt impulses that I have never felt before. I am not a kind of person who is attracted to someone easily, it takes years to allow someone to approach me, etc… But with this person, I was ready to fly to the Moon and back without asking – why.
Our paths parted but there will always be that will wonder- what if… In my heart, I knew the connection was real and one of the kind. But, my mind was telling me not to get attached and to stay cool. I can’t say I didn’t feel pain when we decided not to continue with the story, but I felt peace. I knew I wasn’t ready for another relationship at that moment because I was still feeling the pain from my failed marriage. But, I was happy to know that my heart would be able to love again if I could have given it a chance. That was very inspiring.
When you know you have someone special beside you, don’t let them go. Invest in strength and inner power and put your heart on your sleeve for them. Such bonding happens only once in a lifetime. Cherish it and embrace it, without fear. Intensity is passion, dedication, dependency,… There is nothing wrong with it. Rejecting it wouldn’t be fair to love.
I often wondered why God brought that man into my life for the second time… I couldn’t find a response. How the time is passing, I think his role in my life was to bring me back to life, to show me that there is still hope for love and happiness. However, the cynical me says it is because I wouldn’t forget him again…
Soulmates are our angels in shape of a human. I smile every time I remember mine. With the warmth in my heart, I recall and honour his words that will forever stay imprinted in my head: ” I wish we had been together nine years ago, we could have reversed lots of memories and prevented lots of pain.”